Archive for sub-drop

Attention

Posted in Nonfiction with tags , on July 16, 2009 by scarlettbottom

Styrn and I were talking the other night about the amount of attention necessary to avoid severe sub-drop. The last few weekends we’ve been spending two evenings in a row together (and sometimes all day Saturday or Sunday). I think of my desire for attention as a progress bar: after one evening and night together the progress bar is full, and then any additional time is nice, but not necessary. It takes about three days for the progress bar to get down to empty, and so during those three days I am progressively more desperate for attention and discipline play.

The neediness manifests in a few ways. I first make more attempts to gain attention in positive ways, I fantasize more, and then I make attempts to gain attention in negative ways. If the drought goes on for longer than three or four days, I pout and become sullen and start thinking about rebellion. Like I said before, I rarely actually rebel, but thinking about it makes me feel better about being neglected. I’m pretty sure Styrn has noticed this cycle, and makes sure to not react to it. Being obnoxiously in-your-face is my version of having a temper tantrum, and he’s being a good Daddy by not coddling me when I do it.

Grace is an important facet of the submissive woman. A sub should have her emotions well in hand, only letting go when it’s appropriate and required of her. Styrn likes me to react honestly to punishment, unlike other Doms who might prefer their sub to demonstrate self-control (not crying out in pain, counting spankings, etc), so my grace under pressure is self-imposed. The neediness I experience is only manifested in email/text/chat communications, never in person. In fact, because I know that I’m feeling needy, I take steps to disguise the intensity of feeling in person. It’s too revealing and scary for me, let alone other people.

Maybe this disguise is dishonest. Perhaps I should take steps towards getting comfortable with revealing my feelings (all of them, including negative feelings) to Styrn. One of the bloggers I regularly read discussed what a Dom gets out of a scene. His answer was that a Dom creates a space for his sub to be the purest version of herself, not having to hide anything, or be afraid. He is protecting her, providing discipline, and encouraging her to be the best self she can be. By withholding my negative feelings, am I depriving Styrn of something pleasurable?

Acting Out

Posted in Fiction, Nonfiction with tags , , , on July 10, 2009 by scarlettbottom

I need a spanking.

There was a dry period for maybe six months, before I got to know Styrn well enough to “come out” as submissive (and believe me, it’s not obvious), in which I never got anything even remotely close to a spanking. I admit that I didn’t miss it too much, until Styrn and I played seriously for the first time- then I remembered that I wanted (needed?) that. It’s been a few weeks since my last spanking. I don’t know if I’ve been particularly “good” but I haven’t been punished for anything much.

The last few days I’ve been pretty down and emotional and starting to feel really desperate for some dominance and power play. I might be experiencing some minor sub-drop , which is just a down sort of feeling after a period of stimulation. It applies especially to sexual submissives because of the physical aspect of their duties, but I think everyone gets it, even after hanging out with friends for a long time or being really busy and then suddenly not. Sometimes it can be really intense, but I’ve never experienced that.

I generally try to be well-behaved, but I’ve been pestering Styrn a lot over the last couple of days. I almost never act out with the conscious agenda of getting a punishment, and I’m really not this time, either, but it might be unconscious.

He opens the door. I’m sitting on the floor in the hallway and crawl in, arranging myself over the edge of the bed, ass presented for whatever punishment might be deemed suitable.

I’m late. On purpose. Really late. He texts. I’ve been smoking my way through a pack of cigarettes outside his door for half an hour. He comes to fetch me, angry to be kept waiting for nothing- I don’t even smoke regularly. Bratty and talking back and generally being insulting I am dragged into the apartment and sitting in a straight-backed kitchen chair he delivers a very protracted spanking until I stop struggling and hissing at him.

I think he thinks I talk too much, but I’m nervously babbling now. Finally fed up, he tapes my mouth shut. Then he tapes my hands to the wall about chest level; it’s not very secure, but it makes his intentions clear. Pulling my feet away from the wall, so I’m leaning my weight forward on my hands, bent over at my hips, he pulls my skirt down to my feet and gives me several very hard, rhythmic slaps on the lower curve of my ass. Unable to protest or struggle much, he leaves me bare-assed, stuck in place against the wall.