Archive for ropecast

Ropecast: Ava’s advice for how to find a Dom

Posted in Nonfiction with tags , , , on July 22, 2009 by scarlettbottom

This week’s Ropecast (by Graydancer) was about how to find and play with quality Doms. Ava Amnesia was interviewed, because she is a very slutty bottom and has played with a huge number of well-known tops. She’s also a pro sub, which I find pretty fascinating. How does Miss Ava do it?

Well, she had a couple of suggestions. The first is: be friends with lots of Doms. Once you have a large group of dominant friends that you trust, you can ask them for recommendations (and play with them too!). The second is: if you see a Dom that you think you’d like to play with, perhaps someone giving a demonstration, or someone known for some technique in particular, approach them with a question about their skill. This gives you an opening for a conversation, something they *love* to talk about, you’ll learn something, and maybe they’ll demonstrate on you. *wink* The third suggestion is: know what you need from your Dom. She made a list of five things:

1. Confidence
2. Competency
3. Willingness to laugh
4. Willingness to make mistakes
5. Communication

There are, of course, other things that are good to have in a Dom, but these five are the core things- you just can’t play without these five things. Communication and confidence are pretty clear, right? A willingness to laugh and make mistakes are related to confidence. If you mess up in a scene, it’s okay. If you mess up and it shakes your confidence and you insist on ending the scene, that makes it pretty unlikely that your bottom is going to want to play with you again. An interrupted scene is one thing. An aborted scene because of embarrassment is another. Competency is just being sure of what you know. When playing with a sub for the first time, don’t try new stuff on a new sub. Do what you know, what you’re sure of and confident about. Don’t worry so much about impressing your new sub with fancy knots or expensive toys you’ve never used before. Test those things out with subs who know you’re trying new things and who understand and appreciate that you’re learning new skills.