Barriers

Lately Styrn has been doing some things to me that I wasn’t initially comfortable with but I’ve grown into.

Like many submissive women, I’m a control freak in my non-sexual life. I have strong feelings about what kind of interactions are acceptable and what feelings are acceptable for public consumption. I don’t like being touched by strangers. I don’t like to be picked up. I don’t like to be touched by men I’m dating casually; I certainly don’t kiss someone until I feel they’re completely trustworthy. I don’t like friends to put their arm around my shoulders. Etc. The only people who are allowed to touch me are friends and (ex)lovers that I’ve known for at very long time, or people I’m having sexual relationships with currently.

Styrn is working (maybe unconsciously) at breaking down some barriers. He’s been picking me up more often, just to move me to a different position, or across a room. I used to be very afraid and cling onto him very tightly when he did this, not trusting that he wouldn’t drop me. I’m finding that I’m much more relaxed about it now, with him, in an appropriate situation, like at home, or when I’m sleepy. I’m beginning to like it so much that I’m thinking of losing some weight so that it can happen more easily.

He also touches my face. I think most people have an aversion to having their face touched, except in sexual situations, but I’ve lately been allowing Styrn to touch my neck and face when he wants to. This is usually in a cuddly situation, or a social grooming thing (brushing a bit of stray makeup off for example), but I’m starting to enjoy it more and more. My favorite activity of this sort is the under-the-chin stroking. Like petting a cat. Makes me feel taken care of.

It helps that I trust him so completely. Had he been anyone else, I would never allow him to take the liberties he does.

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