Nostalgia

I’m feeling a little nostalgic today. I think about past lovers frequently. The first person to explore what I consider true bdsm with my was my first serious boyfriend. I was very inexperienced, sexually, but I’ve always been attracted to daddy play and he figured that out very quickly.¬†He was also pretty good at talking dirty. I’ve never been very good at that, unfortunately.

My favorite material was something like “Does Baby like that? Daddy’s fingers in Baby’s pussy?” and patronizing babytalk, “Baby is such a spoiled little girl” “Baby likes to suck Daddy’s cock, look how wet it makes her.” He really knew how to use that kind of thing to take me right up to the edge. The best part of bdsm is the psychological aspect, and when you combine that with the paternal element, it comes across as very caring and loving, even as I’m being ripped apart by a particularly rough finger fucking.

And then there’s curling up in Daddy’s lap and having a really good, cathartic cry. Daddy has such strong arms and feels like a safe place. He used to be able to make me cry, like a psychological/emotional release instead of a physical orgasm. That was always very intense and made me feel so vulnerable. The first couple times I was embarrassed about it, but I came to understand that that was more than what he was looking for. That experience probably did more than anything else to cement our relationship.

This was not a “typical” bdsm relationship. Our play never left the bed (except for once when Baby got a spanking in the kitchen, over a stool), and it was limited to dirty talk and the occasional heat-of-the-moment spanking. I don’t think I even knew what it was.

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